Trigger Warning: This blog post mentions sexual assault which some may find disturbing.
What is Project: Get Me Home? For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Flavia Gray, I am 48 years old (born 1972) and am a single mum of two with 13 years between them. Yes it took me 12 years to find someone else who wasn’t prepared to support their child.
This is not a pity party. I am sharing my story to help inspire others to follow their dreams and that it is never too late.
The reason I fell in love with guys who didn’t love me as I deserved, was because I was sexually abused at the age of 13 by a 21 year old man that I knew. Some of my older male and female “friends” where in the room next door and were fully aware of what was going on. My virginity was violently taken away from me on the floor of a squat in Weybridge, and I told myself that was how things were meant to be. There is a scientific explanation as to why that occurs.
When something traumatic happens to us, our brain has a coping mechanism that kicks in that tells us “this is ok, this is supposed to happen”. It does that because the brain knows we are unable to cope emotionally with the reality. The brain is protecting us.
So from the age of 13 to 29, when my daughter was born, I firmly believed that I had done a disgusting act and hated myself. Victims of sexual abuse will go one of two ways. They either abstain from sex completely or, as I did, have sex with anyone who will have them in the hope to feel loved and/or erase the memory of what happened.
The trouble with the second choice is that it gives the impression that the person is confident and “up for it”, rather than the truth which is a sad little girl desperate to be loved.
A Brush With A Serial Killer
When I was a big boobed, blonde 21 year old, I used to hang out at Rocky’s karaoke bar in Cobham. The club was famous for one of its doorman, serial killer Levi Bellfield. Everyone liked Levi. He was cuddly in an overweight sense and spoke with a high squeaky voice, so no-one took him too seriously. One evening he offered me a lift home to Weybridge. I was drunk on Hooch (remember that). I felt really special that Levi drove me home because he was a popular guy. Before we left Rocky’s I remember people said to me “Be careful. If his Mrs finds out he’s given you a lift home, she will kill you!” The irony!
So Levi drove me home in his white Vauxhall Astra. I think we stopped for a kebab. It was an uneventful journey and I thought no more of it. Later when it came out about his crimes, I looked into the older victims and it seemed that they were big boobed and blonde and they had turned him down for sex. (Disclaimer: I have read this somewhere and cannot verify that is accurate information but am using it to prove a point). My reaction was to joke about it and say “well I was safe then because I never say no”. That was my way of dealing with things. Other people had labelled me, so I had assumed the label. But deep down I just craved to be loved.
Having said that, I had some lovely boyfriends in the past, but because of the programming in my brain, nice guys just didn’t seem strong and manly enough. I know it’s messed up.
Getting My Mind Right
So I guess you are wondering how I went from that way of thinking, to the clarity I have now. Well it’s taken nearly 20 years and will never end because the day you stop learning, growing and developing is the day you die. The answers only come to those who are actively seeking the truth and who are strong enough to deal with it. In my case I had tried everything in my power to get the life I wanted, but nothing ever worked. I felt like I was stuck in a never ending series of Only Fools and Horses. (For those of you who don’t know, the main character Del Boy is always trying to “make it big” but never succeeds)
When the news of Jimmy Saville (celebrity peopdophile) hit the media, it stirred up a lot of emotion for me. Eventually I felt the right thing to do was to contact the police about the incident in 1986. I was absolutely petrified, but I kept thinking, what if there are others. What if he is still abusing children?
Going To The Police
I contacted the police and they sent two female officers to my house to talk to me. We sat down and I told them what had happened, the circumstances leading up to it and during, and they said without a shadow of a doubt that what took place was wrong. I cried. Hearing that from the police was the moment I truly accepted it into my soul. That was my healing.
The police did locate the abuser and he was questioned. He denied knowing who I was. Apparently he was in a bad state healthwise and the police didn’t feel he was a threat to anyone at this point in his life. I gave the police the names of people who knew what happened at the time, but none of them had any recollection of it. So that was all that could be done.
As a result of contacting the police, I was able to qualify for specialist counselling by RASASC which was life changing! This was the first step of my restoration.
Since then I attended the Landmark Forum which is an intense weekend of getting your head straight. I highly recommend it, but you must to be emotionally strong enough to cope with a big mental shake up. I also listen to Tony Robbins, Les Brown, Grant Cardone, Joseph McClendon III and other mentors who help keep my mindset right and raise my standards.
Florida – Finding My Home
Why is Florida my home? Well, in 1993 my Dad paid for a 6 week trip for me to go and “find myself” in St Petersburg, Florida. He chose the destination based on the fact that he had a very good friend living there that I could fall back on in an emergency.
The day I was driven by my new found friend Mark, to Sunset Beach on the Gulf Coast for sunset, was the day everything changed for me. Have you ever had one of those moments when you say “this is where I want to be”? Well that was my moment. That was 28 years ago! Since then I have visited countless times and always wanted to live there.
There is not a day that goes past without me thinking of that sunset.
I ended January 2021 with opening up about my past experience of sexual abuse. This lead to me feeling a sense of acceptance and freedom. It also opened the door to new feelings and thoughts.
I heard a voice that said to me “If Florida was your home, what would you do to get back there?” Wow! That was a revelation and it suddenly felt achievable.
What about medical insurance, what about seeing my family, what if, what if, what if? Ok THIS is the kind of stuff that kills dreams, this is what keeps us in our little box leading an average life.
If your goal doesn’t scare you, it’s not big enough.
Dig The Ditches
I have heard this message so many times. Act like you are ready to receive what you want. Don’t worry about the how, just visualise it, expect it and prepare for it. I thought I had got this figured out, but it was only when I watched the Class of 2020 video by Sir Anthony Hopkins, that it really became clear.
Sir Anthony relayed a bible verse 2 Kings 3:16 “And he said, “Thus saith the Lord: ‘Make this valley full of ditches. ‘Ye shall not see wind, neither shall ye see rain; yet that valley shall be filled with water, that ye may drink, both ye and your cattle and your beasts.”
In other words, prepare to receive it and don’t worry about the how.
Project: Get Me Home
Even as I say it I feel sick with nerves. That’s how I know this is the right thing to do. It scares me because it is a big goal, but success is found outside of your comfort zone.
So now I am preparing to move to Florida. I will apply for my ESTA visas, a pet passport and start getting ready to go.
At the same time, I will continue to connect with likeminded people who have a dream they want to follow. My vision is to be part of a community of people who lift each other up. A community who are positive, kind, loving, honest and willing to stand up to make a difference.
Today I am starting from zero point with no money but a vehicle (my business) to make a good income. I have no working visa or green card, but I will figure it out as I go. Dig the Ditch!
This isn’t just about me, in fact that is the last thing it is about.
I know there are thousands of others out there who are going through exactly the same thing as me. Thousands of people are settling for a mediocre life because they don’t know HOW to make their dreams a reality. Thousands of people who are unhappy because they don’t understand that they have been brainwashed to think this is the best that life can be.
More than sitting on a beach in Florida, my goal is to help as many other people as possible, be truly happy. By using my story and my journey as an example, I want to inspire many others to do the same. Not only to inspire, but to lock arms and show them how they can do it step by step.
If you want to find out more about what I do click here Find Out More
Ships and Champagne
The Ships and Champagne community is changing. It is no longer a platform to promote the cruise industry.
Ships and Champagne’s mission statement is to inspire anyone and everyone to go after the life they deserve. To reach for the moon, not to settle and to believe that anything is possible.
Are you with me?